They are the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
A “friend” who is secretly plotting against you waiting for the perfect time to attack.
A few years ago, I watched a friend’s marriage be torn apart by a “friend”. She was using confidential information shared with her to intentionally steal her husband. In the end she “won” what she wanted. She caught the husband and wife off guard and destroyed 15 years of a family.
Now I can hear you saying, I trust my spouse and my spouse trusts me. That’s really great. It’s not really your spouse that you need to worry about it’s the Jezebels of the world.
Have you ever read about Queen Jezebel in the Old Testament of the Bible? In the book of Kings in case you want to read about her. She was the queen of evil. Her marriage to King Ahab was to create a peace treaty but she caused anything but peace. She killed many people and created havoc as soon as she moved in. She always got what she wanted. She lied to get what she wanted. She lied about Naboth so he would be arrested and put to death so she could get what she wanted.
There are many Jezebels around us. You can’t always tell who they are. You can check your own motives and make sure you are not the one trying to manipulate and control someone else’s marriage. You can also take time to pay attention to your marriage on a weekly basis and make sure it is Jezebel proof. Here are some things I now do since I have learned more about Jezebel.
1. Try not to text married men. May sound strange but you don’t want to create any confusion. I don’t want any of my friends to feel worry that I would come between them and their spouse. So many affairs today start with harmless texting so why would anyone open them selves up to that? I will only text a friends husband if for some reason I can’t get a hold of my friend or when planning a surprise or something. When making plans or asking for help, I always text the wife.
2. Don’t put yourself alone with someone else’s spouse. There’s just no need to put yourself into a relationship like that. If a friend of the opposite sex needs to talk, bring your spouse along. If that’s not an option have another friend join or refer the person to someone else they could speak to.
3. Listen to your spouse. If a spouse has a “gut feeling” that a certain person has you in their target, it is often right. A few years ago, we knew a girl and I knew right away she wanted my husband. I like almost everyone but she put the hairs up on my neck. I had the gut feeling which I found out later was right. I’m thankful I had my eyes open and she wasn’t able to do any damage.
4. Spend time with your spouse as often as you can. There’s not much chance of spouses feeling far apart when they go out together at least once a week and spend as much quality time together as possible. Kiss. Many times each day. Kissing creates a sense of closeness. Quite obviously I think, but count how many times a day you and your spouse kiss. Sometimes we fall out of the habit of kissing because life gets busy.
5. Don’t always control. Can you bend to what your spouse wants? Jezebels can’t. They always need to be in control. They steal authority and are difficult to work with. They lie to get their own way. Think about that and make sure you are sharing in the control. Let your partner have ideas and honour them. If they have opinions, respect them. If you are always putting your partner down, he may be more prone to looking elsewhere for respect.
6. Back to one of my original points. Trust your spouse just don’t trust everyone else. Trust your spouse with your phone password so that there are no secrets or anything that worries them. Let your spouse know you trust them to let you know if improvements can be made in your relationship. Be accountable to your spouse. Let them know when you are struggling with your thoughts or not feeling loved. Be accountable to your besties. My best girl friends call me out when they see issues that could use some work in our marriage. I’m thankful for that. They also check in and ask how our marriage is doing. Everyone needs those kind of friends who can keep you accountable. I have called out two different friends whom I saw were starting to stray outside of their spouse and helped them prevent a train wreck in their marriage. If you see friends acting in strange ways or being inappropriate with other friends, it’s important to get past the awkwardness of starting that conversation. You could be saving a family from destruction.
7. Love the one you’re with. So many people divorce on the grounds that “I just don’t love you anymore.” Four of my friends who got divorced in the last few years had this said to them by their husbands. All four husbands were having an affair while they were married. All four of those affairs were with unmarried women who didn’t care about the ring that the man had on their finger. Sad and frustrating. If you are a single woman, you should respect your fellow women-kind enough to steer clear. I digress….obviously still stewing over the destruction of my friends families. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. We don’t always feel the full range of feelings for our spouse. We don’t always feel lust, kindness, empathy, or friendship. There are different ways we can give and feel love. The main goal is to intentionally love our spouse every day whether we feel it at the time or not. An amazing thing happens when we do this. The love feelings come back! They also go away again. It’s the roller coaster of love not the tunnel of love.
When your spouse is feeling loved, respected, listened to, appreciated and cared about, he/she will have a stronger defense against the Jezebels of the world.
If you want to learn more about discerning and defeating the spirit of control, read the book Confronting Jezebel by Steve Sampson. Everyone will be able to see a bit of themselves in this book too. It’s a good reminder to check our hearts and see where we are at. Can we share control of this crazy ride called life with our spouse or are we the only one trying to steer the car?