Is your marriage happy?

Would you agree???

I do!  My favourite place is snuggled under his shoulder, sitting beside him in the car or cuddling with him pretty much anywhere.

I’m pretty sure that’s a good sign in couples married over 20 years.  I know of some who don’t want to be in the same room together.   Of course there are days when that’s how we feel but thankfully the majority of the time we are each other’s happy place.

Wondering how we get that way?

It’s a not so magical recipe of laughter, kisses, talking,and loving on purpose.

Allow me to break that down.

Sometimes we face so many heavy issues in our lives and have so much stress we can get dragged down in the dumps.   Our marriage can suffer the effects.  Laughter is the best medicine.  An old saying but so true.   My husband and I laugh a lot.   We diffuse upsetting situations with laughter.   We intentionally try to make each other laugh.   Even when we are arguing about something we often end up laughing.  Think about your other relationships.   I know my favourite friends are the ones who make me laugh.   We laugh a lot.   How many laughs are you and your spouse sharing right now?  I hope that you can say a few a day.  If not, why not change that today?   Watch a comedy, make a joke, play a game together like Pencil Nose or something just as ridiculous.  Leave each other crazy notes.   Send silly texts. Be intentional about fun.   Laugh for the sake of improving your marriage no matter what state it’s in currently.   Laughter can only help it.

Kisses are the gateway drug; a gateway to desire.   There are days when physical affection is far from my mind & body.   My hubby knows the quickest way to find the “ON” switch is kisses.  I think kissing is like smiling.   Have you heard the saying that if you smile you start to feel happy?   I think the same goes for kissing. Once you start kissing you start to feel love and desire.   So many couples say they have lost that loving feeling.   The best way to bring it back is to start smooching!   I bet if they start kissing their spouse a minimum of three times a day and for five minutes straight before they go to sleep their marriage will change for the better.

Talking, communicating and connecting are also super important.   When I first met my hubby we talked for upwards of six hours at a time.   We continued to talk for hours the year we dated and in the years we were first married it was the hardest thing to cut back on but he worked a lot of hours to provide for our family so we didn’t get to talk quite as much.   We both felt the difference and agreed to try and talk as much as we could.   It helps that we are both talkers.   It probably would be much different if one of us were a quiet soul.   When one half of the couple is quiet it’s even more important for those couples to intentionally carve out time to talk and get on the same page. After 20 years, we still make time to talk to each other every day.  Before we were married, I wondered if we would ever run out of things to talk about and I think I can safely say we will not.   There’s always something.

Loving on purpose is exactly what is sounds like.   Love your spouse intentionally.   Find ways to show you love them.   Find out if the ways you think you are loving them are working.   Does your spouse feel loved?   Ask!   You definitely don’t want to assume your flowers are working when all she wants is more hugs and kisses.   You don’t want to go on thinking you are showing your husband that he is loved by making his lunches and leaving him love notes in them if what he is actually wanting is more one on one time with you.  Loving on purpose is figuring out what things makes your spouse feel loved and doing those each day or at least each week. (going on a date isn’t necessarily possible every day!)

None of these ideas are new or rocket science but sometimes we need reminders.   We all do.   We tend to get so bogged down by the stress in our lives that we don’t make our spouse priority until it’s too late and the relationship is broken or on the road to disaster. I hope that this week you can remember the things you first loved about your spouse and you try to add in some of these not so magical ideas into your week and watch your relationship thrive.

SDG